So, here is a cover letter sent cold call – just fishing for a job. What do you think?
Joe “Never Gonna Get a Job” Looker 1234 Clueless Drive Lost, Somewhere, 00000 September 3, 2008 Human Resources Big Mega-Conglomerate
I would like to be considered for employment with Mega-Conglo in Texas. With a long record of building successful teams and driving execution, I believe I have the skills and experience to be a part of your world class management team. My diverse background of leadership and success would be a great compliment to your philosophy of ensuring excellence in service to each shareholder while building a solid foundation for developing and nurturing a team of proactive and motivated subordinate leaders. It’s what I do.
Although my most current experience is with Little-Conglo, the foundation of my success comes from the diversity of what I have accomplished; from being a military leader to managing a supply chain operation to a social worker for the underprivileged. It has given me a great appreciation for people from all strata’s of society. It lets me step into their shoes. I believe a good part of my success as a manager is my ability to be look at what I and my subordinate leaders do, through the eyes of those we lead.
I have balance, and my resume reflects that. With balance, I have become a leader who brings great intensity to achieving multiple goals with limited resources. I believe my positive, can-do approach to success can be a great fit for Mega-Conglo.
Finally, I believe I can be a part of your multibillion dollar global brand. As a consummate professional, I have the acumen built on hard experience to drive success.
I hope to hear from you shortly.
So this friend of mine needs a lot of help.
This is bad letter. But where to begin.
1. It’s a form letter. Who is it address to? What are the answers to the two key questions?
- Why is Joe writing?
- Why should I (the reader) care?
2. Does it cover the key issues?
- What job would Joe like?
- Why would Joe be good at it?
- How does Mega-Congo benefit by having Joe do the job?
3. It’s all me, me, me, blah, blah, blah – go ahead, talk about yourself but keep it to a minimum. There are 24 “I’s” and “my’s” – that’s a lot. The close is in the benefits to having you, not the features that is you!
4. No call to action.
5. Nothing but a collection of tired, cliche words – It is not a personal letter to the reader.
6. It shows ZERO research – does Joe really even care or is he for unfathomable reasons, just going through the motions.
By the way, this is a real letter that was actually sent.
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